I feel like a f**king idiot!!
I am sitting here crying my eyes out, feeling as though it is the end of the world because I have to sleep by myself tonight, in a empty house..... what the hell is wrong with me?!!!
Why does my brain have to think of the worse possible solutions that could happen!!
I looked like a complete dick as my boyfriend left me at my front door.... surprised he can put up with this... I act like a spoilt 3 year old.... ARGH I HATE THIS!!!
I think I am partially crying my eyes out right now, because of how f**king frustrated I am with being like this!!!
People think I am a complete freak if i say... I cant sleep by myself because I think of horrible/bad things....
I wish this would go away!!!
I hate being this way now... I just want to be a normal person... I feel like a freak.
I literally feel sick, at the thought of turning of the light and shutting my eyes, knowing I am all by myself.
My whole body aches in pain at the thought...
People reading this must think I am so weird.... but I seriously can not help it..
I know me crying like a 3 year old is perfetic.... which is why this is so frustrating.... because I know how I am acting... and is f**king p**ses me off!!
Even when I went to the doctors and asked for help, the best advice she gave me was to see a counsellor.... I saw one of them 5 years ago.... it did not help at all!!! In fact it made me feel worse, because I had to sit outside a crap office with everyone being able to see and I felt like a psycho... I would much rather have some kind of pill that eased my brain from thinking about the things it does... because believe me it is not right!
If I wrote down all the things that are going through my head right now.... most if not all my friends would most likely not want to be friends with me anymore.. :'/
I feel f**king miserable. :(
I hate this.
I would like for this to go away.
I would like to be a normal person.
I dont wish for my boyfriend to think I am a spoilt child.
I just want to have one night, where I can sleep all by myself, without thinking evil things are going to hurt me.
Is that too much to ask for.... :'(
I just want someone to understand and help me...
I need help.
